Am I dead yet

So yesterday was spent with my computers for company which can leave your brain a little frazzled especially when they don't behave in a way that is appropriate for your needs, who would have thought I would have a pair of computers and the one I want to use has an ego the size of our apartment block, I have to cajoule and coax the bloody thing into giving in and doing what I want it to do, not what it pleases when it pleases, I have to say my patience has been tested, so much so that we have even put it back to factory settings just to punish it and even so the ego comes screaming back, you can walk away from it and think it will sort itself out if you just ignore it, but no it waits in the corner until you are just about to touch and then shuts itself down and I swear to god its not a humming of the motors I hear when it restarts but a sniggering of the coolers.......

I have been on the imessage with Mr Wilson on numerous occasions over the last two days, his computer geekiness has helped me with my problems and I am confident that the ego problem will be rectified with his help, I just don't get seeds and plants, who would have thought trying to download would be so difficult.

Yesterday was my first visit to the gym and my second day of exercise, I repeated the lower body weight exercises previously done in the living room, by the time I was finished I had steamed up the floor to ceiling mirrors in the gym and deafened My Beloved with my groaning, we ate our supper in peace as neither of us had the energy to talk and eat, taking three weeks off exercise really takes it toll on you, lets hope that we are back on track and the rib continues to improve enough for me to be able to actually add my upper body moves to my workout.

All around is calm again

Having waited in all day for the handyman who I left on the door step previously, I now believe it was pay back time, he didn't turn up, I had the last laugh because I made roast chicken and butternut squash whilst I waited, and soup stock was chilling ready for another day.

First thing I had a little bathe in the sun before my shower, it was toasty in the garden, and the fact that the neighbours have been away since the Geordie boys arrived is very pleasing to me, I'm sure it wasn't anything the boys said.....

Now the only thing we hear from next door is the occasional clang of the broom on the wall as the housekeeper cleans, and even she has been quiet this past while, must have been the telling I gave her when she woke me screeching down her phone, do you know I just thought maybe it was her high pitched voice that shattered my glass.......

I have now taken to sitting on the windowsill, well luckily it is quite wide, because if it was anything like the one I had in the UK weight may have been an issue and I would have had to have been strapped on it as it was very narrow, anyway sitting in the sun on the windowsill is a very pleasant way to spend some time whilst on the computer and your waiting for the handyman.

My Beloved and I took a walk to the marina last night and tried to walk off the rather too large dinner I had prepared, we stopped in at Murphy's for a tipple and sat watching Ronaldo strut his stuff around the screen. My Beloved had ventured into the gym and worked his butt off on the treadmill then spent all night complaining he had been kicked in said butt, me I had jumped around the living room using the TV as my mirror, checking posture you understand, although working out in swimwear tends to give you no doubts that in fact YES you really do need to sort that body out, having been unable to workout properly since the rib incident yesterday was my first hardcore workout, all leg work body weight exercises, I was dripping by the time I finished and didn't dare flick my head to quickly for fear of sending it splattering into the TV and blowing the whole house, can't say I would have been too chuffed with that. 

We both tottered home ready for our beds, no way we a rock and roll just now, we are more Rockabyebaby ......

Go Forth and Multiply

So yesterday was my first shower in two days, this was taken mainly because I couldn't stand the stench anymore and secondly because I really couldn't stand the stench anymore, it was a slow process because although the feeling of carrying a ten tonne truck on my joints had been alleviated, it had left me very weary and unable to move at a speed resembling normal, that being sad normal never has been anything I have ever resembled so I am not sure why I would think my speed should be anywhere close to normal.

Dressing was difficult as I settled on a pretty pink dress that buttoned up the back, great I managed the lower three buttons and even managed with a little gymnastics the top two buttons but I had to walk to the office with the middle buttons open, to tell you the truth I really didn't give a damn, I was dressed and I was out in the fresh air, the sun was high and hot and it was a slow walk but very pleasant.

Obviously being unwell has taken it's toll on my sense of humour because we were seated on the bar as the restaurant was very busy, but the little Chinese woman waiting for a table sitting on the edge of my bar stool was lucky I didn't plant her one, and as for the Italian woman that forced My Beloved to move along the bar so she could get herself wedged in the corner was lucky I didn't lash her with my tongue, I had to keep taking deep breaths and remember I was in Israel, there is no YOUR space, MY space, it's OUR space, but when I pushed the Chinese woman and tapped her arse she did apologise and move, not far enough to keep her breath off my neck but at least off  my chair.

Hugo the handyman called as I was heading to the optician for an appointment, I told him I would meet him at home in 30, trouble was I was seen right away at the optician and completely forgot poor Hugo, he called I apologised and we rearranged.

I took the car and headed home after being put through the mill in the shop, talk about hard sell, I now have new lenses which I refused to take a six month supply of as I'm not convinced they are correct yet, comfort wise they are great, but I still struggle reading my facebook on the iphone, anyway they then set me up with new glasses and tried very hard to get me to buy new sunglasses with my prescription, as I explained I have never and will never pay £1,500 for two pair of glasses I would rather be blind, so I eventually got them down to a price that although indecent for one pair of glasses was actually achievable without taking out a bank loan, please god they are set right, having varifocals that are set wrong can be a right pain in the neck, and I mean that literally, having had some years ago made at high street chain I can vouch for badly set glasses, as I have said to the Prince's on numerous occasions buy cheap, buy twice, and I did that time and I had to go to an optician in Turra to sort me out after that fiasco. My daughter is currently having trouble with lenses from the same high street saving spectacle chain, I have told her to find a proper optician that will give her the time she needs and explain the problems with lenses properly, and not just tell her she has to put up with it, sometimes a little bit of time to explain issues will go a very long way.

Cliff Diving

I've always had this romantic notion in my head probably since watching Twilight, that cliff diving should be fluffy and gentle and into the arms of the man of your dreams whether is be Team Jacob or Team Edward, this would be decided entirely on your mood of course, but the cliff diving I was subjected to left me in a state of terror and levitating above the bed at least a foot on three separate occasions, I don't think I have ever experienced anything so terrorising as being woken from my sleep with a jolt to my body something akin to sticking your tongue on the electric element of your mothers old 2 bar. It also wasn't helped that when I eventually came down from my elevated state My Beloved was going up, trust me you fall that far down a cliff no one is gonna sleep.

Anyway over the weekend we had a trip to Tel Aviv for A Purim Street party, we rode in on the bus and started our day on Arlozorov, following the mass of people most of whom were dressed in fancy dress costumes, there were ladies in stilts that some would call heels, with short dresses and mickey mouse ears, Spongebob was on the walk along with the Pharaoh and his Queen, men in bras and girls in animal hats, the costumes were wonderful to see and the street was awash with colour from adults to children to dogs with wings on, there were Dj's all along the road and a huge stage in the square, the music was pumping and the people ON the bus stops were dancing, anything that was elevated was covered with people sitting and drinking and standing and dancing. We strolled through the street until we happened across Indira a little Indian restaurant we had never seen before, we had to stop and take a look at the menu, bad move we were hooked, we had a lovely meal and will certainly be returning very, very soon, it was crazy sitting in the restaurant watching, Moses and the Wizards, and the scared Lion walking passed, followed by the Smurfs and the Vikings and the Romans, if the UK did weather like Carlsberg does beer Halloween would be one hell of a party, the best thing I liked was the fact that the Israelis are not shy and getting on the bus in their costumes it is all part of the celebrations, in the UK we tend to hide in taxi's or cars prior to our celebrations, we need to embrace the costumes like the Israelis.

We wandered around the streets, looking for watering holes stopping when we found one we liked, the first being Hillel where we saw this cheeky little lady, she almost turned my Chardonnay rancid, we headed north from here and found another we place called Bugsy before we were off on our travels again, I quite like this bar hopping around Tel Aviv, I would have to say it has to come first in my favourite cities in the world, followed by London, then Barcelona then New York, It also has to be the safest city as a female I have ever been in, anytime day or night.

Our last stop before we headed home was Mike's Place on the sea front, we were in need of Mike's chips, and a chardonnay of course and Mike does make the best chips, in Tel Aviv, Herzliya and Eilat he has bars in all these place, and each one has the most amazing chips that we have found on our travels, and the other thing is Mike doesn't skim on his baskets of chips either, love love love em, if your gonna eat crap when your drinking it might as well be good crap.

I have spent the last two days in my bed, struggling with my rib which continues to be a pain, but feeling like you have been run over, once from the front and then once from the back tends to get a bit wearing after a while so I have taken to my bed and will be seeking medical advice very soon, well as soon as My Beloved's hebrew speaking receptionist gets back to work and can make us an appointment that is, I may have to take her with me for interpretation purposes, because trying to explain being run over without being run over could be a little trying..........

Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink

Never has my liver had such a bashing as it has over the last ten days during which time the Geordies and the Scots were in country. If there was a fight off I think the Scots would win the drinking contests hands down, cos the Geordies just can't handle it, well the men anyways..........

It appears that My Beloved is not the only one with an intolerance to vodka, it transpires that it is a Mather trait, male and female, there is not one Mather who can handle a night of the voddie without turning into something akin to The Hulk, but with more Mather, no aggressive you understand just more grunt. Luckily when the boys were here they all decided that vodka was the devil and should be avoided at all costs.

Well our last night with the Duncan's was spent bar hopping through the streets of Tel Aviv, we started in Mike's Place then headed for a fantastic Thai House meal on Bograshov, the meal was lovely and my glass noodles were an absolute delight, my tastebuds were singing and I even allowed everyone a taste, my hand only twitched to slap them once before I got it in check.  Arnie has decided that he needs Tattie soup when he gets home and we have had to listen to him, go on an on to Sonya about making it for him, so funny we laughed at his tales of spoons standing in bowls of tattie soup, and how they would have to buy beef on the road home from Aberdeen or he would not get his soup.

Jesus, Garry and Arnie

We had an amazing evening stotting from one bar to the next, we even met Jesus in one of the bars, and apparently I was drinking hot apple something or other with red wine, which when I was reminded of I suddenly remembered I


really rather liked that odd concoction, but it was the next day before I remembered with a little prodding that I had actually drank it, we had coffee's and cake, chips and wine, whisky and beer and all in no particular order. We stopped and chatted with a street vendor who made these beautiful puppets and finger bobs, Arnie had to buy Gargamel the sworn enemy of the smurfs just for some fun and started to talk to waitresses with it, we rather like Gargamel....

I am not sure how My Beloved has managed to get up for work fresh as a wilted Daisy everyday since our guests arrived, but every morning he has taken himself to work, either by car, by bike or even on foot and has managed to be very productive in all that he has tried, 10/10 to that Mather he is hardcore.

The Duncan's are now home and Israel is all quiet again, we have had a great time showing them around Israel a country we have grown in love with and are very sad to leave.

As to the leaving, well we are not going cold we decided we don't like it, so we are currently waiting, and waiting and waiting, watch this space for the next adventurous instalments in the trials and tribulations of The Happy Housewife............

Where the hell was I.............

Remember this, should you really be telling people information
when it is not your information to pass on

Ok it's been a while so this could be epic. The boys needed souvenirs and for some reason they seemed to be hidden from our sight so there was nothing else for it than to jump in the car and head for Tel Aviv market, now we were cooking, there was everything we could possibly need, including shawarma which they ate whilst walking through the market. It was a glorious day and we walked up and down collecting the things we needed, for me it was cheese, and for Craig it was fridge magnets, Glen settled with his shawarma, and they say Craig is the tight one hahahaha.

After that it was time to head back before I headed out to Ben Gurion once more, this time I was collecting The Duncan's, their flight arrived and they were ushered into the car and driven to the apartment they are staying at on the beach front, quick change whilst I waited at the lights with my flashers on, blocking traffic can be such a naughty thing to do, especially when usually it is being done to you, pay back is divine. Once changed we headed back to Herzliya left the car in the office car park and headed for Mike's place, and that is where we stayed watching the footie with the Mather boys, The Duncan's and the work mates. The trouble with being in Israel is the footie starts after 10pm which makes for a very late night, but all is good only My Beloved had to get up for work.....

I was rudely awoken the next morning not by Vivienne the vixen, but by her housemaid screeching down her phone in the garden and smoking tabs, she got a spare piece of my mind let me tell you, she has been quiet since!

I left the boys sleeping, well I think they were sleeping as noisy housemaid was below their windows, I headed to get my valentines, nail treatment and hair cut which turned into highlights, I did argue and say no! I don't want highlights but he was very persuasive, but I did put my foot down when he told me he wanted to create something with my haircut! I don't think so sonny, do you know how long it took me to grow it back after the last haircut, just trim it. So he huffed and puffed and with every snip of a very small piece of hair he flipped it over his shoulder with disgust, it really was quite funny. The end result was a very nice set of highlights which blend the white, I always thought they were grey but he informed me I had white hairs, great I went from grey to white overnight when did that happen, obviously being in front of the mirror with no glasses or lenses it not the best way to pick up on your advancing years.

So after spending hours and hours in the salon I eventually exited and went home for food I was starving, the boys finished the last of their packing and then it was time for the airport run again, Ben Gurion and I are becoming very well acquainted. The boys were dropped off and then again I headed home to Herzliya, My Beloved was in a presentation late in the afternoon and not expecting to be home early, but  surprise, surprise he called and I collected him then fed and watered him, the poor guy was wrung out. It was great having the boys over, my house is way to quiet without them, well apart from the neighbours that is.

Friday we headed into Tel Aviv to collect The Duncan's then we were off north to The Wine road and The Carmel winery for some wine tasting, well it would be rude not to, being designated driver can be so dull when there is alcohol involved, but it was all good I got to sniff each taster and then got to pick the wine we were buying to take home.  From the wine road we headed to Haifa and the Bahai gardens for photos before heading to the Germany colony for Fattoush, we were famished having not had breakfast I could have eaten a scabby horse, but in Israel they don't sell that in the supermarkets.

Our meals arrived and we filled our faces with the lovely dishes of shawarma, minced veal, tahini, rice and more, each meal was delicious and certainly made that hole in my belly shrink a little, we then headed home for a quick change before getting a taxi back to Tel Aviv, My Beloved and I waited at Mike's Place in Tel Aviv whilst Arnie and Sonya changed then we were on it like sonic once again, we drank we wandered, we drank we wandered, we found a lovely restaurant to eat and then we drank and walked and drank and wandered, eventually stopping at Ben Yehuda for our last drink of the evening, the trouble with The Scots arriving in Tel Aviv is they have bought with them plentiful supplies of oxo cubes and Deveron Whisky, and foam burst shower gel, but really did they have to bring the weather, since the two of them arrived the weather has bottomed out and we have only to get snow to be thinking we have been transported back to Turra toon, next time they come we will make sure it is the height of summer and then nothing can go wrong with the weather, can it?????

Shabbat was spent once again in Tel Aviv, we met at LuLu's for a late breakfast early lunch and then wandered down to Hatachana for a browse and a drink in the sun, then it was a drink inside as the weather had changed yet again, the boys bought us a lovely bottle of Badgers creek and we supped away every drop, today was not a day I would be driving.  From here we headed for the New port area for a quick shop for Mrs D, a small jacket and trainers were purchased, a quick snack under cover as the heavens had opened and the rain was threatening to wash us away, and then it was quick change for The Duncan's again and back to Herzliya for myself and My Beloved to change.

On arriving home we went though to the bedroom to discover the patio door had smashed inside and outside luckily it was still in tact but the splintering was quite unnerving as you could actually here it cracking, well if you were quiet enough that is.

We headed out again and tonight we were treated to a lovely meal by Arnie and Sonya at Meat Bar, it was delicious, but we were all so stuffed we had left no room for drink, so it was a very sober evening but perfect.

Yesterday was a day tour to Jerusalem and Bethlehem and it was a great day out, very tiring and I felt like we walked miles not least of all across the border control into Bethlehem on the West bank, a very surreal feeling walking down the path into Bethlehem, it was such an odd feeling, you can tell the difference between the Israeli side and the Arab side, there is a lot more of a run down look about Bethlehem, and it reminded me of Nazareth. The Church of the Nativity was beautiful inside and the newest part of the church was truly gorgeous, we arrived just as the Morning mass was finishing, and I realise this may sound odd, but it was great to see that the church was full to overflowing with people celebrating Sunday Mass.

We headed for lunch after Bethlehem, this was taken in a Monastery atop a hill, and then it was off to Jerusalem city and a whistle stop tour of the Old city, our guide must have been on speed because one rather large and unfit gentleman told him about his speed walking and it didn't slow him down any.

Today was my third trip to the Old City and still I am learning, our guide was both informative and funny and it was a great day out, with so many highlights, and I can't wait for the next trip.

View from the Church of The Nativity Across the West Bank

Site of the Sheperds flock

 Via Dolorosa ("Way of Grief" in Latin) is a road in the old city of Jerusalem, a path where Jesus was lead in agony, carrying the crucifixion cross.  There are a total of 14 stations along this path, based on events that occurred on the way to the Golgotha hill, the site of crucifixion, which is located at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Eight stations are marked along the old city road, while 6 additional stations are places in the compound of the church. Via Dolorosa is located within the old city of Jerusalem. It starts from the place where he was tried and convicted - near the Lions Gate  on the eastern side (Muslim quarter). It ends in the crucifixion place, Golgotha, where the Church of The Holy Sepulcher is located in the west side of the old city (Christian quarter).

  An old square stone, located on the right side of the structure, has a cavity which is said to be the imprint of Jesus hand.

Mather's on Mass

So Yesterday was spent preparing the house for the family, I then headed to the stores for things we don't usually have in the house, bread, milk, the usual things that usual people eat.  After putting everything away I headed to see Julie and Oydis as they will be leaving Israel on Sunday and I might not see them again. Oydis was nodding off to sleep as I arrived so I  looked at her for a little while then Julie and I headed outside for our coffee.

When I arrived home I prepared the supper and then My Beloved and I headed off to the airport to collect the boys. The Mather boys are having a clan gathering in Israel.  The boys strolled through sometime after 8.00pm and off we went to Herzliya Pituach, fed and watered with curry and beer we headed out to the Irish bar and and evening of general chit chat and more beer for the boys, me I'm currently off the wine and on the Whisky, so we supped a little then headed home, all of us tired but predominantly sober.

Yesterday was spent taking the boys into Tel Aviv and the beach, mainly because I think they wanted pictures of sand, beer and sunshine for facebook, well you do don't you, I left them drinking whilst I took a peek around the sports stores at the New port area and then joined them again for another diet coke before heading back home, having dropped the boys at the Marina I headed home and prepared the supper, My Beloved arrived home just before the boys got back and their evening was spent at the Mardi Gras, apparently it is Mardi Gras somewhere in the world so Bourbon Street was celebrating when the boys arrived, so the they would have been rude not to join in the festivities, Me I stayed home with Gerard Butler and my whisky.....

The Ribs are busted again

Everything is a struggle, shoelaces, sleeping and even getting dressed, it takes two people to put a bra top on one person period.  Being stuck half way in and the worst bits out is a very unpleasant feeling, and very revealing, needless to say the second person needs to be someone with a strong constitution.

I decided over the weekend that I am no longer going to concede my space, its my cycle path, your going in the wrong direction and your walking, move it! obviously this does not refer to dogs and horses cos them things still scare the bejezuz out of me, which in itself leads to moments of frozen cycling, with my eyes shut and fingers crossed. We even saw a runner have to jump over a dog on an extendable lead, and you should have seen the dirty look he got from the woman the other end of the elastic, stupid mare.  All weekend I waited for a dog on elastic to cross my path, I wanted to see the effect of the dog going round and round my wheel whilst the elastic dragged the owner behind us. Unfortunately I was sorely disappointed, but when the ribs are strong enough I will get back in the saddle and try again. I did try a short cycle yesterday but christ was it hard work, I even went to the gym, half way through I had to remove my heart rate monitor and reduce the tension on the bike.  The monitor felt like a concrete block had been placed on my back, and the bike tension created to much pressure through my legs and consequently up my back to my ribs.

Considering we initially thought I had stuffed my back again I have to say I'm quite happy to have cracked ribs, but I know before they are healed they are gonna drive me around the twist, on the plus side I get to eat Co-Codamol with gay abundance and speak shit when I take the full days quota, it's like being drunk without the hangover, speech slurred, brain ten paces behind mouth, and balance slightly adrift, rock on, "Im not drunk, I'm a little stoned" Gerard Way

Aye, Aye whats going on here then

Another long bike ride over the weekend, dinner with Nelly and Itzhak, breakfast with Natalie, it's been a busy few days, Nelly our French Israeli landlord prepared Italian food for our delight, Cafe Louise was our destination with Natalie, this was lush as usual but having ate my bodyweight in bread I suffered almost immediately, have you noticed that the trouble with things you shouldn't eat is one bite leads to one more, and one more and on, and on, I left the restaurant feeling like death and groaned all the way home, joints hurting and energy levels zapped, when are we ever old enough to learn? I remember being told as a child, 'When will you every learn?", obviously not this weekend!

The park in Tel Aviv was full to overflowing, the basketball courts were full of families playing hoops, and one court was taken over by dancers strutting their stuff round and around, with a shimmy here and a shuggle there, there were huge groups of children on the South side of the river, all dressed in their Town colours faces painted and some in fancy dress and others in huge costumes, some were dressed as smurfs and some were dressed as glittery punk rockers, but best of all was the noise, noise from the children, noise from the announcer, from the music and from the passers by, banners were either side of the river and everyone was having fun in the sun.

We crossed the main three lane carriageway and almost fell of our bikes as we cranked our necks to see the jugglers who were in front of the stopped traffic juggling and performing acrobatics on the road. I love Tel Aviv, you just never know what you are going to see next.

Once we arrived home My Beloved had to pop into the office and then the supermarket, we really need to remember NOT to take the car to the supermarket on Shabbat, five min drive to marina, five min in supermarket, over an hour in the car park trying to get out, and by the time he got to the exit they tried to charge him as he had been in the car park over the hour, as he pointed out most of that had been trying to get out, and seeing as he didn't have a credit card to pay they let him out, well he would be holding the traffic up even longer if they made him wait for me to bring a credit card to get him out!!